Beyond Pregnancy: Navigating the Fourth Trimester Maze
By the end of the third trimester, mothers are ready to pop that baby out and hold him/her in their arms. But did you know the first three months of your baby’s life with you, out of your womb, is referred to as the fourth trimester?
For obvious reasons of course. Imagine the transition from being well cocooned in for 9 months, with so much warmth, love, and all comforting sounds to being exposed to a cacophony of sounds, the cold environment, and carried around by a number of hands!
Coined by Dr. Harvey Karp, experts refer to these first three months as the fourth trimester because of the way it should be treated. The mother should be nurtured so that she recovers physically and mentally from the process of birth, and the baby is to be treated the way he/she would have been treated while inside the womb.
A lot of first-time mothers complain that these first three months are the hardest, and get exhausted. True, this is a very testing period, but with a few techniques(or shall I say natural hacks!), it becomes an easy river to cross. These are what helped me have an amazing fourth trimester.
Breastfeeding: The first and most natural thing to do. However, this is the chapter we are least prepared for, and a reason why some mothers have to regretfully switch to formula milk. V and I faced a number of difficulties in breastfeeding and sorted it out after meeting a lactation consultant. In a lot of cases, once proper breastfeeding has been established, a number of people have specific times and schedules for it( something I have understood by being part of an amazing group, breastfeeding support for Indian mothers). But something that has always been stressed on is breastfeeding on demand(once the birth weight is gained). There were times that V was hooked on to my breasts, giving very few breaks in between. There were times he would latch only for comfort. I have felt this to be the easiest way of soothing him, and side-lying position to feed certainly gave me some!
Skin to skin: and oodles of it! Babies need our warmth, the feel of touch of the caregivers. Did you know research says that the more loving touch a baby receives, the more confident he/she grows up to be? And for the mother, what better way for the release of those endorphins?! Skin to skin has been my go-to during stressful times, like regressions, vaccinations, and growth spurts. It soothes the baby and mother like nothing else does! For babies, being held naked against their mother’s skin is the closest they can get to being back in the warmth and security of the womb. Providing skin to skin within the first few hours of the baby’s birth helps the baby’s body temperature, breathing, and heart rate stabilize. Babies explore the world through the sense of touch before anything else . Once the baby is back from the hospital, ample amount of skin to skin helps promote a deep latch in breastfeeding, as well as in gaining the birth weight quicker.
Personally, we have seen V being restful and calm during the skin to skin time. It has been very easy to put him to sleep, and a savior during vaccinations.
Skin to skin with immediate family members helps in strengthening the bond that the newborn has with them. There were so many times when I would be sleeping and Raghu would have him on his chest, and little V would be peacefully sleeping (read, snoring, till we got his ties released!). It helps the father’s paternal instincts kick in stronger and relaxes them as well, for they undergo almost as many changes as the mother does!
Babywearing: Putting the baby down/ to sleep during regressions, during the time he/she wants to be carried around is the hardest. Babywearing has been a boon during those days, may it be the ring sling or full buckle, both of which are comfortable for us. Wearing him around helped me have a bit of normal life, without having my hands tied and tired , holding him. Oh, did I mention the times of travel? (Which is not necessary during this pandemic anyways! But, let me :)) Babywearing him has been life-saving whenever we wanted to travel or shop; the carrier would work its sleepy dust while we indulged in our chores! Our first carrier was a gift and V outgrew it soon. By then we had visited a babywearing library and so knew what we wanted. So, we got a Soul Aseema. There are so many Indian brands like Soul, Kolkol, Anmol, Cuddle n Care, etc, which are very ergonomic. A number of preloved carriers are available on Facebook groups like Babywearing India, Wrap your baby, and so on. I would say it is best to visit a babywearing library in the respective city and then buy a comfortable carrier after understanding about the types, I got a ring sling only after feeling how comfortable it was on trying it! In the pandemic situation, it is hard to actually visit a library, but a lot of brands have online demos and articles out there to check!
Rituals and rhythms: I have never followed any schedule with V, it has always been rhythms which incorporate certain rituals. Some of his rituals:
❤️ An oil massage in the early morning sunlight for some Vitamin D, followed by a nap and then a bath.
Every day we used to give him baths both in the mornings and evenings, and the evening ones used to be hip baths in warm water, setting the mood to sleep.
❤️In the evenings, I would switch off all lights but a dim one every evening and put him to sleep around the same time, establishing nighttime sleep. It would have been insanely exhausting if not for the night time sleep
❤️Maintaining constant wake windows.(More about wake windows in another post!)
Not a parameter, but the most important bit of the fourth trimester, Support: Loads of it. I wouldn’t have been able to phase through the fourth semester with no complaints had it not been for the support I got. May it be my mum who used to rock V right after he nursed during the 3 am wakings or my husband who wouldn’t flinch to get up and get the kettle brimming with hot water( V had gas issues during his early months) and held V to sleep in the wee hours of the morning so I could catch up on sleep, all the little things counted and helped us. Get your tribe to help you, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Each of my people did it; my brother who used to take him for walks and put him to sleep when my husband wasn’t there giving me some much-needed rest, my best friend held him throughout his naming ceremony while I participated in the rituals, and my first circle of relatives always gave me and V the space we needed.
While each baby is unique and caring for each one is different, something that remains constant is paying attention to cues. Your baby is ever trying to communicate with you, and all you should tune into, are their cues, be it be for hunger or sleep or poop! They don’t remain babies forever, do they?
According to me, the fourth trimester is the best, best part of post-pregnancy and once each moment is enjoyed, you are going to remember it as one of the best times of mommyhood
“The baby and you are one unit. This doesn’t change just because she is outside you. This doesn’t mean you can put her down now. Just remember, you need the baby as much as the baby needs you.” -Binnie. A. Dansby
